Love Lasts by Savannah Totten

Author:Savannah Totten [Totten, Savannah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-10-11T05:00:00+00:00

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Kevin starts to pack his things at the end of July. He’s going to Butler for college, and he’ll be staying in a dorm. He seems excited, but I bet he’s nervous too. It’s going to be different without him here. I won’t be working with him at the movie theater anymore. Everyone is leaving.

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I get my last letter from Dane at the end of July too.

It says, “Hello Love, 6 weeks have flown by. I miss you greatly. I know you’ve been having a hard time. This phase of ‘I want him now, here, with me’ was the phase I went through 3rd week. One thing that helps is forward thinking, looking forward to graduation, tapping me out, the future of us, and only looking back on the memories for a brief moment. I’m excited for future us. Could you imagine traveling like the Cleopatra Lumineers album? Getting a small house we could make our own and finally getting a fish only to kill it off a day later? Lol.

Talking to countless married guys, they say marriage is amazing. Marrying their best friend is the best decision of their life. Some advise against getting married young, but they say when you know, you know. And since the first time we met to our first couple dates, not only did I know you were different, I knew you were exactly what I wanted and needed, what I want and need, and what I’ll continue to want and need. No matter the distance, no matter the time apart, the setbacks, the unknowns, the hard decisions, arguments, or rainy days… I will always want and love you. Penelope Freeman, I love you. Then, now, and forever. -Dane Sutton, your future Airman”.

The card makes me cry, and then I feel empty.

Mom and I are driving to Texas to see Dane’s BMT graduation in a week, and my mind keeps telling me I should be more excited. I should be jumping with joy. But all I feel is sadness and anxiety. What if I get there and he’s different? What if I’m different? What if he decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if there’s someone else?

I try to pray my way through these thoughts. I ask God why he’s allowing me to feel this way. I ask Him to help me, but all that does is make me cry. Nothing will make these thoughts go away except sleeping, so that’s exactly what I do.

I sleep until morning and wake up with the same loneliness aching inside me. And the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

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